Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
