I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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