I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
