We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
