Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
