He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
