It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
