Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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