1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
