My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
