You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
