I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
