I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
