Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
