just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
