i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
