saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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