tell your sister to shave her snatch
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
