The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
