I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
