She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it hurts more in the daytime
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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