I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
