Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
