just come out here and I will go home with you...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
