And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
