At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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