Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
