Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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