i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
50% drunk capacity currently
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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