he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
