but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
