it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The power of my boobs compel you
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
