is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
