NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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