: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
