My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
