I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
