At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
