just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
