I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
