Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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