I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
