Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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