TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
