we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
there was a trapeze. enough said
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
