Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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