Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
