I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
