All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
