I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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